Life Coach

While discussing typical day to day life issues with my friend who lives in US, i was suggested to hire an Coach for my self,for help me navigating the career and relationship.Same is very popular in western countries, where to get ahead in life and to have a peaceful life people do engage Life Coach or Professional coach by paying 10's of thousands of dollars.

In last decade Personally as well through organisation where i worked i have attended some seminars of motivational speakers or self development gurus who are pontificating their belief system in class rooms. Typically after closing lecture / presentation a young lady comes to the stage and begins speaking on her take of the world and how we can all achieve success.

Typically, she will introdue as a 'Life coach" or " professional Coach"..will highlight importance of teacher, coach, in acheving desired success personally and professionally. Immediately my mind yells, "What the hell is that? Life coach?" I silence my internal mechanism and continue to listen. She goes on for about 30 minutes spewing all the basic motivational blah blah.

I believe the art of motivation and the psychological benefits derived from feeling good about oneself are important. In a world bent on spitting out negativity through every media orifice, good thoughts and words are inspiration are a welcome antidote of modern day cynicism, competition, rat race.

What I can't stand or condone are fuzzy stories that have more to do with fantasy than reality. Again, don't get me wrong, I like a good story like everyone else. Our history and traditions were built on stories being told while catching up sleep with parents, since the dawn of civilization.

Back to the speaker... In those 30 minutes, at one course of an accomplished speaker.. I found out that speaker didn't have an good college degree..just some bachelors or masters from unknown university, she had failed marriage, flogging career in sales till few years earlier and she now feels her destiny is to help other people by sharing what she went through.

"What?"

So, what qualifies her to be a life coach? Well, the fact that she never finished education or she's been through disturbed marital life or family life... That makes as much sense as a divorcee giving you tips on how to have a happy marriage.

But here's the killer part; she was dead serious about helping people in the audience (who signed up for her Rs 20000 per year coaching program) get their life on track. There's the rub. Now let me be a considerate to her traumatic experience in life and in profession and assume that given her past experiences she can offer some valuable information or insight on life.

But question remain un answered can anyone really be your LIFE coach? What are the qualifications to be a LIFE coach? Does this mean this coach will be with me for life, until I die?

The absurdity of the label, "Life Coach" is obvious. If you believe in a higher power (i.e., God), then you might have a reason to want Him (or Her) as your life coach. But God doesn't charge you by the hour! He would most likely refer you to the "Good Book"; all the answers you need for success and prosperity are there for the picking.

I'm convinced that anyone who calls themselves a life coach has to be either delusional or has no concept of what the phrase implies. On the subject of self development and helping others, my beliefs are
You can't insure success, you can only guide people.

To guide them you have know their thought process, their life style, their motivations, their aspirations which are beyond words.

Before giving them first piece of advise, guide need to understand them, beyond what is communicated in words ..need to live with them ( metaphorically) day in and day out, know there various interactions in life, at their work place,with sprituality, with spouse, with kids, with neighbours, with friends

Is it humanly possible...?

I don't think so..It is impossible for anyone to become our Life Coach.

Just because someone has suffered or has gone through some hard times DOES NOT qualify them to give you advice. It only qualifies them to tell you how stupid they were and what lessons they've learned. I don't think any one should have to pay for this.

What is the exception? If a person has real world experience and can help you shortcut your path to success by providing tangible steps and information, along with How TO IMPLEMENT..

I still wouldn't call that person a life coach.

I would either call them a friend or a mentor...who shares your daily, day to day life, who knows you for pretty long period in life ( atleast 5 years), who has seen you in different phases of life, your challenges, happy and sad moments.

Merry Christmas

Wishing a Merry Christmas and Joyous Holiday season,

and also writing lyrics of my all time favourite song from Movie "Daddy"

''आइना मुझ से मेरी पहली सी सूरत मांगे

मेरे अपने मेरे होने की निशानी माँगे

में भटकता रहा दर्द के वीराने में

वक्त लिखता रहा चेहरे पर हर पल का हिसाब

मेरी शोहरत मेरी दीवानगी की नज़र हुई

पी गई माय की बोतल मेरे गीतों की किताब

आज लौटा हु तोह हसने की अदा भूल गया

यह शहर भुला मुझे, में भी उसे भूल गया

मेरे अपने मेरे होने की निशानी माँगे

आइना मुझ से मेरी पहली सी सूरत माँगे

मेरा फअन मुझे फ़िर बाज़ार में ले आया है

यह वोह जगह है जहाँ मेरो वफ़ा बिकते है

बाप बिकते हैं और लखते जिगर बिकते है

कोख बिकती है दिल बिकते हैं सर बिकते हैं

इस बदलती हुई दुनिया का खुदा कोई नहीं

सास्ते दामो पे यहाँ रोज़ खुदा बिकते हें

मेरे अपने मेरे अपने होने की निशानी माँगे

आइना मुझ से मेरी पहली से सूरत माँगे

हरी खरीदार को बाज़ार में बिकता पाया

हम क्या पायेंगे किसी ने यहाँ क्या पाया

मेरे एहसास मेरे फूल कहीं और चले

बोल पूजा मेरी बची कहीं और चले

और चले , और चले......."

हिम्मत करने वालो की कभी हार नही होती

After spending 5 days, and 4 Nights at Indore (janambhumi), have reached back Mumbai (karambhumi) early morning today....fift visit in last 12 months , probably highest ever since i left Indore in 1995, in terms of going and comming back, may not be interm of days spend their.

This time i went alone without sneha and kids as they are having third term exams starting shortly...for attending engagment and wedding ceremony of my niece " Lovee"। Apart from attending functions. I have leisurely spent endless hours visiting home, shop, and offices of relatives, friends, and old buddies.

This time there was a strong urge to connect with the past, connect with the roots, be among the people whom i can relate with, and those who care for me and love me. .. and get over the trauma of living in Mumbai, in isolation & fear which recently witnessed worst ever terrorist attacks, which probably all of us have seen live endlessly for over 60 hours on television channels.

Selflessness, defeat, restlessness, agitation, disbelief, denial, tiredness, negativity, indecisivenss have taken over me in recent past, some time it is news of stock market crash, job losses, terror attacks, bomb explosions, ...it is Fear Every Where.... fear of loss of near and dear ones, fear of death, fear of future, fear of uncertainity..

Disgusting...it was

With such wandering thoughts, while sitting in Manish's office ( Umang Engineering), saw a poem on pin up board, which i read many a times, this some how helped me momentarily in regaining my emotional stability. Again it was Poem of Harivansh Rai Bachchan..( Google download pasted below)

लहरों से डरकर नौका पार नहीं होती ,

मेहनत करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।

नन्ही चींटी जब दाना लेकर चलती है,

चढ़ती दीवारों पर सौ बार फिसलती है,

मन का विश्वास रगों में साहस भरता है,

चढ़कर गिरना,गिरकर चढ़ना न अखरता है,

आखिर उसकी मेहनत बेकार नहीं होती ,

कोशिश करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।

डुबकियाँ सिंधु में गोताखोर लगाता है,

जा-जाकर खाली हाथ लौट आता है,

मिलते न सहेज के मोती पानी में,

बहता दूना उत्साह इसी हैरानी में,

मुठ्ठी उसकी खाली हर बार नहीं होती,

हिम्मत करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।

असफलता एक चुनौती है स्वीकार करो,

क्या कमी रह गयी,देखो और सुधार करो,

जब तक न सफल हो नींद चैन को त्यागो तुम,

संघर्षों का मैदान छोड़ मत भागो तुम,

कुछ किये बिना ही जय-जयकार नहीं होती,

हिम्मत करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।

मेहनत करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।

God bless, Ravi

अपने जनम दिन की पूर्व संध्या पर...अपने आप से कुछ शब्द॥
रवि

आशा तृष्णा से भरा जीवन मेरा
क्यो भाग रहा, क्यो हार गया
क्यों भागा था मै सब पाने कों ?
जिनको अब छोड़ना है मुश्किल
संगर्ष जितना पाने में था
बड़ा है उस से छोड़ने का
क्या पाया है क्या खोना है
सब मिथ्या है सब धोखा है
जो सहा था वह न दोहराएँगे
सबसे पाया तिरस्कार भी
अपमान भी , सन्मान भी
न झूठ था पहले
न सच है आज
क्यो चाहा है मैंने
जिनको मै भूल गया
क्यो भूल रहा हु
जिनको मै चाहता हु।
हर संकल्प में विकल्प कों क्यो खोजता हु
क्यो इस जीवन की पराजय कों स्वीकार करता हु.

Art of Living..

Art of Living

After finishing weekend household chores, catching up with couple of movies on DVD, this afternoon I was not having any thing to do.., neither any guests were lined up, nor we were scheduled to go anywhere, kids were busy too with their friends and playing in the clubhouse.

In the evening Sneha ji ( my better half), and myself aimlessly started from home, just around the corner at traffic signal i suggested, why don't we go to Gurudwara now, she was happy as well surprised.., as I generally I go alone or with kids, I turned the steering and within a minute we were there (very close to my place in Thane).

Being a Sunday evening very few people come to gurudwara, as people visit in the morning ; only couple of us were there in the sangat , and three raagis were singing wonderful shabad kirtan and explaining its meaning, nothing new or magical, being hearing from childhood, but the way of explanation was given as well as my receptiveness or openness to understand today was different. I am attempting to verbalise it by writing it down so that my thoughts remain and i revisit them regularly to imbibe in my life.

"Five thieves who live within this body are Kam (lust), Krodh (anger), Lobh (greed), Moh (worldly attachment) and Ahankar (pride). They rob us of Amrit ( nectar or Ambrosia) of life, To get rid of this five cardinal vices,

• One need not fast,to get favours from god, let our conduct be the fasting.
• Whether we eat vegetarian food or not does not matter. Who can define what is meat and what is plant? Who knows where the sin lies, being a vegetarian or a non vegetarian. Food earned honestly and shared with others is the prasad of God.
• The filth of ego cannot be washed away, even if one bathes at one hundred holy places. Who so ever controls the mind, he is a pilgrim.
• The God is far above the effects of these auspicious moments and days every day is an auspicious day, every moment is mahurat, there is no ashub moment in the day created by god.
• The way to true yoga is found by dwelling in God and remaining detached in the midst of worldly attachments, not in the sanyas, leaving family or wearing white or saffron robe.
• Neither meditation nor reading holy books or reciting mantras or praying statue will help us in getting rid of our sins if our conduct is not right, or intentions are not right or if we are not fullfilling our comittments and not doing our duties sincerly and honestly.

Yes, in all the senses, it was the magical evening for me, may god gives me courage to follow the path explained to me or understood by me today.

सतनाम श्री वाहेगुरु एही नाम है अह्दारा ॥ सतनाम श्री वाहेगुरु एही नाम है अह्दारा ॥

ravi..

Loss of Emotion

Some wandering thoughts on Lazy afternoon of Gurupurab.., sitting at home@Ascona

Often I feel that some of our losses in today’s lifestyle tend to outweigh the gains when we look at the larger picture. That, to me, puts a whole new spin on the perception of success.

In our day to day work in the organisation where we spend 70% of our time, our team members are not individuals any more, they are Just Resources, Managers, Team Leaders, Head Count, FTEs (Full Time Equivalents), SMEs (Subject Matter Experts). ...

Their time is measured in man-hours quantified as being worth so many rupees or dollar or Euros or their CTCs (cost to company) . Life within the organisation is defined by deliverables or results for the individual; within or outside SLAs (Service Level Agreements).

While current meltdown is forcing organisation look ways and means to reduce cost, reduce expenditure. Typically in most of the organisations, first ones to get hit of the recession are the people in the lower end of organisation, as there is an organisational belief that if leaders are there in difficult times they can recreate the teams when things improve.

Slow down is also the time when organisation become more vigilant towards employee frauds or attrition of good or high performing managers instead of attrition of good, average, and bad in the growth phase...this the time where committement levels are the lowest, loyalties are at the lowest degree..Managers either act is haste, or just mindlessly

We can not blame anyone but ourselves, as there is an absence or very weak emotional relationship or bonding between organisation, its managers and its employee, everything is the with in CTC. or an attitude chuck people when you don't need them, for the sake of survival of organisation which is bigger than survival of an individual.

When this kind of commoditization happens in our society which was culturally very rich, and where relationships and commitments, promises were of paramount importance since ages, such practices are bound to affect moral fabric of people working for organisations.

And in the current orbit of performance driven, hire and fire life, we are creating an culture where individuals operate like robots, mindlessly executing whatever instructions are given to them, with indifferent attitude towards collegues, customers and organisation.

In this difficult times, we need an environment which can nurture, encourage and challenge the individual to achieve higher goals rather than just a doing the routine, work towards bringing back efficiencies, achieving higher productivities, better quality products and services, more agile, more responsive organisation where teams responds to change with sense of urgency.

To create such environment, i don't think incentive or money will ever work..but a emotional bonding , open and honest communication, involvement and inclusion of each individual may work.

As a Managers we need to check out beyond customary how are you ? Whats happening ? Or how was the weekend? Stuff…need to get more close, more inside the skin of their people...to have one to one emotional bond...understand their prespective, reactions, and emotions..Remember that a man is a collection of many emotions gathered over the years.

So this the time, where we "need to get emotional"…for sake of humanity and our organisations, and shed the attitude of " I am like that Only"..

With best wishes of Gurupurab.

Ravi

Parth & Kruti

"तुम बडो, मंजिल तुम्हारे ही लिए है,

तुम रुको, पायल तुम्हारे ही लिए है,

तुम बसंतो सी प्रगति यदि पा गए तों

गीत का हर स्वर तुम्हारे ही लिए है .

____________________

With Love, Your loving daddy..

Innocent Question - Eklavya

Yesterday while spending time with me in the lawn while vacation,“Parth” ( my son, meaning of word पार्थ is dutiful warrior , undefeated king) while reading a comic book, Amar Chtira Katha asked me , Papa simple question why Dronacharya, has asked Eklavya to cut his thumb..?

I gave, answer which was taught to me in child hood , Dronacharya wanted Arjuna to remain undisputed and best Archer of the world

Parth was not satisfied with my answer, he looked at me, like i told him an obvious thing which he already knew. It made me think...why Drona has asked for it...? Asking for the thumb of an archer was equivalent to killing him, How could Dronacharya demand such a heavy prize from one disciple to protect the honor of the other ?

Nevertheless knowing that Eklavya had no remorse. Unruffled and with due humility, cheerfully and without protest, he cut his right thumb and placed at the feet of Dronacharya.

Few questions are still wondering in my mind, which i will be trying to figure out in my subsequent posts.

• When Dronacharya has not taught any thing to Eklavya, wasn’t it totally wrong and sinful to ask Gurudakshina?
• Why Eklavya has not refused to give his right hand thumb, or why he has not offered anything else in the bargain, including an competition with Arjun?
• Why Eklavaya, mentioned that he learned Archery from Dronacharya’s statue, he could have altogether avoided entire episode?
• Why Eklavya, wanted to be regarded as disciple of Dronacharya, what pride he got in getting associated with the name, was it his unfulfilled desire, which led him to sacrifice and humiliation.
• Why was Dronacharya so protective about his prodigy Arjuna ?

Good Night.. had a very tiring day, cant write more..

Futile Life

After many years, attempting to write in language of my conscience.

Today i have deleted my yesterdays usefless blog.., may be this one also remain for few days on this page before meeting the same fate.

Regards , Ravi

______________________________________________

" मुझे याद है वह अद्भुत क्षण , जब तुम मेरे समूख आई थी ।
निर्मल, निश्छल, रूप छठा सी , जैसे उड़ती सी परछाई ।


घोर उदासी , गहन निराशा , जब जीवन में कुहरा छाया,
मंद, मंद स्वर तेरा गूंजा, मधुर रूप सपनो में आया ।


बीते वर्ष बवंडर टूटे, हुए खंडित स्वप्न सुहाने ,
किसी परी सा स्वप्न तुम्हारा , भूला वाणी स्वर पहचाने ।


सूनेपन एकांत हर्दय में , बीते बोझिल दिन निस्सार ,
बिना आस्था, बिना प्रेरणा रहे ना आंसू , जीवन , प्यार...।"

.....रवि

Truth of life

Its quite late in night...or early in morning, just trying to control wandering thoughts..
Suddently remembered my father favourite poem of Harisvansh Rai Bachaan, which i believe is truth of my life also.

" मैं छुपाना जानता तो जग मुझे साधू समझत्ता
शत्रु मेरा बन गया है चल रहित व्यव्हार मेरा । ”

If i knew how to hide, the World would have thought me to be a saint. My unblemished nature has become my biggest enemy.

Good Morning Message

This morning, i woke up at 6.00 with the strong and meaningful words recieved through SMS staring at me from my mobile , very provoking one to read and follow.

“Challenge yourself beyond your limits. You may well surprise yourself at what strengths you possess”

I shall, the moment I re start my life..in a while..! Re starting life...does it sounds stupid..?

Yes last week i kept my life on long hold, to celebrate Diwali, celebrate life.. where i indulged in every thing which is bad for my health, and my bank balance, shopped endlessly for cloths, books, and music, played hard and partied hard.

Cheers

Who says life is fair…?

This morning I woke up very early with noise of crackers, which children bursting in the club house play ground in our society to celebrate Dhanteras. Previous night I haven’t had sound sleep, infect I hit the bed past 2 AM and till morning I have seen series of dreams One dream which got interrupted with crackers, where I was playing with many kids at Asha Kiran School, at Jamshedpur.

Almost after 13 years, First time today I had mentally visited Asha Kiran School in a dream, where I did some voluntary work in 1995; it was a school for special children. It was the similar time in October’95, those days was staying at “Engineers Hall’ (hostel for GETs at Telco, Jsr). During normal days, Engineers Hall used to have over 150 boys and girls. But during this deepwali season, only 12-15 of us were there rest every one had gone home, as I had been to Indore during Dusshera, there was no chance of going again during Diwali, and I had to spend first Deepawali away from home, and friends after 24 years.

As the festival days were coming closure, more and more friends from hostel were leaving for there home towns, and local markets were getting decorated with crackers, sweets, greeting cards, decorations, and I had started developing sinking feeling ( being very attached to Indore) During one of the evening walk from Bar of Telco Club towards hostel, I came to know about a Diwali Carnival in Asha Kiran School. Next day evening after coming back from plant I headed towards the School, which was within Telco Township.

School was a beautiful building, well decorated, and it was my first experience in any special school, where nearly 80~ 100 used to come for there studies, and therapies, each one of kid was unique, facing different challenge in life. That day my belief in “Fairness of God” has shattered for the first time, why “God” punished these wonderful kids, without there knowing, and leaving criminals and culprits without any punishment During my stay in Jamshedpur, I visited this school many a times, spent endless hours in meeting teachers, students, and parents participating in there hobby classes, exhibitions, events, doing some thing which can help children as well as school, developed understanding with some kids... Although I have not done any thing formidable for the school ever, but the brief interaction of couple of month’s ahs made a deep routed impression on my psyche.

Moreover during January 96, during my one month Community Development Project with Nav Jagrat Manav Samaj ( NJMS is an organisation, supported by TATA's for cure and rehabilitation of people suffering from Leprosy- president award winner society, working in area since 1981), I had interacted with many abandoned leprosy patients in interiors of Bihar ( Now Jharkhand) , visited there colonies, Old age home of Missionaries of Charities in Jamshedpur...my so called faith got totally shattered...but I also got to meet people like Dr. Shekhar, Sister Isa Bell...who lived the self less life.

However in Mumbai, initially for 5-6 years i did visited Jidd school, Maa Niketan to understand there working, spending some time celebrating birthdays of kids, or Holi , Diwali with those kids. ..but with the time and later on in the external noise and rat race, ignored the calling of my inner self. But looks like today’s early morning dream was my calling from god, to be on unfair side of his blessings.

If every thing is not fair in the world created by god…how and why we expect Fairness in our world, why we expect fairness from colleagues, friends, family, or everyone.

In life or relations Fairness is an expectation, getting Disappointment is a Reality.

My interaction with God..and Maa

I am not a hardcore religious, or spiritual person who follows daily rituals or does daily meditation or prayers , but at the same time i am not an atheist, i believe in God, his presence around every thing, every person.

I do visit temples, gurudwaras, majars, and I do have small temple with all the dieties at my home, once a while i do fasting and prayers....!

Since the age of 14 I have tried to find meanings to God & Life with the help of my mentor Da-Saheb, at Indore. I had choosen the option of worshiping God through prayers, rituals, praise Him through hymns and propitiate Him with offerings, sacrifice and gifts. All these has helped me a lot from the days of low confidence, and achieve something formidable in life.

Of late i have started accepting that Life’s definition of happiness and spirituality also keeps changing as we go along. It took me long to figure out that if it was to be a give and take relationship, wherein God gave me something only when I pleased Him, He couldn't really be God! How could God desire a conditional contract with human beings? And readied myself to face the repcurtions of any sort due to this change in belief.

Now my chosen way was easier to follow for me ... it was just to leave the things on its own, assuming god is there always, and he knows what is good from me, what is required to be done. I did the things which were right as per swadharma, I have decided to do duties honestly, fulfill responsibilities sincerely , honour obligations towards family, help needy people, giving back whatever is possible to the society as core foundation blocks of my life.

As per path chosen by me, I may not get closeness to god, i may not be ever able to understand, his nature, his creation, his laws ..But even if I am able to understand my self , and control my self and direct my actions with righteousness i will be able to achieve my life goal.

I seek God in everyday life as I go out to do my karma. For me, god is always inside me as well as always around me in the form of my parents,my kids, my family, my friends, my music, my writings, with who are real and they prevent me from falling in trap of my desires and materialistic ambitions and encourage me to reach to higher goals in life.

My interaction with god, which is rarely in temples or pilgrimage places ...but regularly in my car while driving back and forth between home and office on roads of Mumbai. or in lap of mother nature on endless roads or sea shores ..i feel that i always talk to god the very moment when i am alone.

For me god is formless, and nameless, i ask him any thing, everything and he responds to me instantly..in the same language i ask him.... he teaches me various things from being in control of my desires, controlling my thoughts, controlling anger, resting expectations from others, keeping control over anger, living a simple life.

People may interpret my discussion or prayer as nothing but a self talk of a mad person, who

questions himself and answer himself but thinks he is talking to god, be it...i am not bothered.

I am sure someday, I will meet God, not just feel the presence. But whatever and wherever, I hope God looks like ....my Maa.

Are my questions irrelevant?

" Idle mind is devils workshop..., this is one more product of devils restless mind"

Some Statistics to start with, basically describing ratio of Women Mangers to every 100 Men managers in corporate sector in different countries, including managers at lower level as well as high level managers.

USA 67; Canada 68 ; New Zealand 48; Poland: 18; Japan: 9; India : 2

For the time being if we keep Indra Nooyi, Chanda Kochar, Naina Lal Kidwai, Kalpana Morparia aside….than many questions come to my mind after reading statistics above.

I agree that the most difficult thing in this world as said by various poets and writers is to decipher women thought process, but still I am raising some questions.

ð Why are there so few women in organizations top tiers?
ð Does a manager’s gender, determine the way in which s/he behaves and/or is treated?
ð Is it related with lack of opportunities or lack of ambition of women workforce?
ð Or is it because of overwhelming sense of belonging to our value system?

Even today, the majority of the managerial workforce in organizations consists of men. Given that the inclusion of more women in the workforce has been strongly promoted in recent times, we still have very few women in the top tiers of management in organizations including business, research, educational institutes.

Even If we include women dominated sectors such as farm labour, domestic help, manufacturing, nursing, primary teaching, even than percentage of directly productive workforce of women in India is around than 32%, which means 68% do not contribute to GDP, and moreover these 32% productive work force also does not utilizes their full potential

While analyzing, first thing comes to mind based on some article studied during my organization behaviour studies during management school was there is a gender centered perspective. According to this, the attributes individuals perceive they possess vary according to their sex and women’s limited progress is attributed to factors that are internal to women.

Men are hypothesized to perceive themselves as possessing masculine characteristics (they are aggressive, forceful, strong, rational, self-confident, competitive and independent), while women are hypothesized to perceive themselves as possessing feminine characteristics (they are warm, kind, emotional, gentle, understanding, aware of others’ feelings and helpful to others). Hence gender-centered theorists have promoted that their biological and/or socialization pattern has prompted women to exhibit traits and behaviors that are not conducive to their becoming successful managers but successful anchor of the family, supporting husband, providing values, beliefs and learning’s to the next generation.

I have seen many Women sacrificing for the sake of career of their husband, within my family, my friend circle, and professional network; I have not seen a single instance where vice a versa has happened. Couples of Hindi movies I remember bring such issues very clearly are Abhiman where a talented wife gives away here career for satisfying ego of her husband or recent movie Astitava, where husband who himself had extra marital affair is not able to accept affair of his wife. Such imbalances are reality everywhere in our society.


The second perspective, the situation-centered perspective is based on individuals’ positions in the organizational power hierarchy shape their perceptions, attributes, and behaviour.

According to this approach, there are two types of situations in organizations
1. Advantageous, and
2. Disadvantageous.
Advantageous situations are located in the upper levels and offer power to their occupants. Disadvantageous positions are located at the lower levels of the organization and offer little power to their occupants.

With power, comes the ability to satisfy one’s own needs and desires within that work situation, while in contrast, work situations lacking in power, and inhibit individuals from acting on their own behalf. As a result, individuals in the lower positions in the hierarchy are more dependent on others to meet their needs than are individuals situated in the higher positions.

This encourages lower level individuals to perceive themselves as being more feminine (understanding, aware of others’ feelings and helpful to others) than upper level individuals. In contrast, upper level individuals will think of themselves as more instrumental or masculine as they can depend on themselves rather than on others to satisfy their needs. Traditionally women have been found to occupy lower level positions than upper level ones and hence the difference.

In our society women are stereotyped as having traits associated with a homemaker, which has created the second belief that women do not have the necessary traits to enter perceived masculine and/or high status occupations.

In our society Women's achievements tend to be devalued or attributed to luck or relationship rather than ability or skill , which reduces the rewards, they receive in the society or organization. While most organizations use performance evaluations in one way or another to decide salary increases and promotions to be given to employees, the underlying attribution does play a role in deciding the rating.

In my limited experience and extensive observation, I have observed that work performed by men may be valued more highly than that of women. A female student may have to outperform her male peers to be taken seriously by her teachers. This tendency to devalue women and their work was presented in a recent issue of Sunday times, in which two groups were asked to evaluate articles, paintings, resumes, and other similar products. The name on each item was clearly masculine or feminine. The sex of the originator of each item was switched for the second group of evaluators. Regardless of the type of item evaluated, those ascribed to a male were rated higher than those ascribed to a female.

Is this gender bias is because of behaviour, because of personality traits, because of social fabric, or because of our Indian values.

On one side our own literature gives very high importance to Women as goddess Durga, Lakshmi, Saraswati, Kaali, Shakti, and on other side our mythology tells us story of “Dropadi” who has to undergo trauma of living with five husbands, or getting harassed in front of family members and 5 husbands. Or “Sita” has to undergo Agni Pariksha to prove her innocence..?

Or somewhere it is the Cinderella complex - where no matter how successful a woman is, subconsciously she still expects that a prince is going to come along and rescue her.

Nobody has the answer….but are my questions irrelevant?

Innocence

I was searching etymology of word Innocence on the web, than came across this definition.

It is a term used to indicate a state of moral purity or general lack of guilt, with respect to any kind of crime, sin, or wrongdoing. Its antonym is corruption. In a legal context, innocence refers to the lack of guilt of an individual, with respect to a crime.

Where as i generally refer to Innocence as a state of unknowing, where one's experience is lesser, in either a relative view to social peers, or by an absolute comparison to a more common normative scale.

In contrast to ignorance, it is generally viewed as a positive term, connoting a blissfully positive view of the world, in particular one where the lack of knowledge stems from a lack of wrongdoing, whereas greater knowledge comes from doing wrong.

This connotation may be connected with a popular false etymology explaining "innocent" as meaning "not knowing" (Latin noscere). The actual etymology is from general negation prefix in- and the Latin nocere, "evil" or "guilty".

So to say...more experienced you are less innocent you are, or if you take people on their face value, without doubting their intention you are labelled as innocent.

People who lack the mental capacity to understand the nature of their acts may be regarded as innocent regardless of their behavior. From this meaning comes the term innocent to refer to a child under the age of reason.

"The knowledge that makes us cherish innocence makes innocence unattainable.”

Habit

I often hear various thinkers, gurus, elders talk and preach about “Habit”, It carries lot of negative connotation for most of us, and we practice and preach against habit formation (excluding Stephan Covey..!!)

Habits are a funny thing. We reach for them mindlessly, setting our brains on auto-pilot and relaxing into the unconscious comfort of familiar routine. As some one said “Not choice, but habit rules the unreflecting herd”, but in the ever-changing 21st century is it a taboo.

It seems unpleasant to talk about habits in the same context as passion, creativity, innovation and innocence. Some researchers have written that when we consciously develop new habits, we create parallel synaptic paths, and even entirely new brain cells, that can jump our trains of thought onto new, innovative tracks.

Rather than dismissing ourselves as unchangeable creatures of habit, we can instead direct our own change by consciously developing new habits. In fact, the more new things we try, the more we step outside our comfort zone — the more inherently creative we become, both in the workplace and in our personal lives.

Three zones exist in our life: comfort, stretch and stress. Comfort is the realm of existing habit. Stress occurs when a challenge is so far beyond current experience as to be overwhelming. It’s that stretch zone in the middle activities that feel a bit awkward and unfamiliar where true change occurs.

Getting into the stretch zone is good for us. It helps keeping our brain healthy. It turns out that unless we continue to learn new things, which challenge our brains to create new pathways, brain cells literally begin to degenerate, which may result in dementia, Alzheimer’s or other brain diseases.

But don’t bother trying to kill off old habits; once those ruts of procedure are set into the hippocampus (section of the brain where new memories and events gets recorded), they’re there to stay. Instead, the new habits we deliberately ingrain into ourselves create parallel pathways that can bypass those old roads…!

The first thing needed for innovation is a fascination with wonder, excitement, but we are taught to accept or decide instead of exploring and experimenting. We even attempt to mould (different from influence) thinking of our kids….., To accept or decide is to kill off all possibilities but one. A good innovational thinker is always exploring the many other possibilities.

All of us work through problems in ways of which we’re unaware. humans are born with the capacity to approach challenges in four primary ways: Analytically ( Logically), Procedurally (Step by Step), Relationally (or collaboratively), and Innovatively ( can call it instinctively, or experientially, or gut feel)

At teenage years however, the brain shuts down half of that capacity, preserving only those modes of thought that have seemed most valuable during the first decade or so of life.

This breaks the major rule in the belief system that “Anyone can do anything,” That’s a lie that we have perpetuated, and it fosters mediocrity, instead of meritocracy. Knowing what you’re good at and doing even more of it creates excellence, this is where developing new habits comes in.

In order to cultivate our thinking, we should always try to do something different every day — listen to a new radio station, watch different TV channel, talk to different friends, write some thing in your journal or blog, listen to different music, read new author, take another road, getting out of routines makes us more aware in general. Even a Japanese technique called kaizen, which calls for small, continuous improvements.

Whenever we initiate change, even a positive one, we activate fear in our emotional brain, If the fear is big enough, the fight-or-flight response will go off and we’ll run from what we’re trying to do. The small steps in kaizen don’t set off fight or flight, but rather keep us in the thinking brain, where we have access to our creativity and playfulness.

Simultaneously, take a look at how friends and colleagues approach challenges, by talking to them, interacting with them, observing their life style, spending holiday’s together, analyzing there behaviour with kids and spouse.

We tend to believe that those who think the way we do are smarter than those who don’t. That can be fatal in business, particularly for managers and leaders who surround themselves with like-thinkers. If seniority and promotion are based on similarity to those at the top, chances are strong that the company lacks intellectual diversity.

Lastly one cannot have innovate and create unless he / she is willing and able to move through the unknown and go from curiosity to wonder….outside the comfort zone, which itself is a habit , generally shielded under garb of choice or fate.

My Teachers and Their Teachings

We always learn from others, either through direct one to one communication, or by observation or by reading their thoughts.I have some very distinct memories of last 30 years of my life, specific incidents which inspire me to be a better human being.

I am not sure whether I am covering 100% of important learnings of my life, but i am making an attempt to put them together without any order of significance or importance, each one are equally important and significant.

Swami Vivekananda : Strength is Life, Weakness is Death, identify your weakness and overcome them.

Sarla Kingrani (My Mother): Character, honesty and Integrity are first stepping stone of your journey towards success.

Ajay Mehta ( My best friend..my shadow) : Only thing you need in life is sincerity to your work, no work is big or small. Money you earn is incidental not the purpose of working...

Indranarayan Chandrawal ( Da- Saheb): More difficulties you face in early part of your life, stronger you become to face challenges in your life.Don’t look for excuse once you have made promise, always honour commitment you made even if it means loss of anything materialistic.

Javad Ahmed Siddiqui ( My teacher in engineering who transformed me forever)
Trust your dream, you have great potential, have believe in what you are doing, no matter what other tell you. Limitations are only imaginary.

S K Kingrani ( My Uncle): Respect hard work & labour of your employees, if you take good care of your them, they will take care of your challenges team will do anything for you

R K Sharma ( My friends father) Giving me dream of becoming an successful person, a business manager … “ If you fail to plan, you plan to fail”

B K Singh (My first Boss in TATA Motors): Respect your customer, understand them, spend time with them, understand their business model, they are your only GOD

R K Ghosh ( My boss for 5 years, my guru, my inspiration, my mentor): In most of the challenging situations of life sincere effort is more important & Valuable than intelligence or smartness

Don't hide any mistake...a mistake is only a mistake if you don't learn and grow from it. And if you do (your choice), how can it be a mistake? Because it's served to make you better/wiser/more excellent."....be genuine.

Ratan Tata : Even an introvert and humble person can achieve the top most position in life.....as well as be humble when you reach on top. In life ethics, reputation; values are more valuable than wealth you create.

Tushar Dave ( My Manager in Satyam): Whose unflinching faith in God and Never say die attitude with absolute simplicity and sincerity is foundation of my resilience in professional life, Learning's from Tushar were..."Never give up, you loose the deal the day you stop trying getting it. God always helps when you sincerely try"

Dhruva chandrie (My Manager for 4 years in Reliance, person who influenced me most as a professional): Importance of being focused and detail oriented in life. Organization pay managers for getting things done, not for developing relationships or friendships. Take my words .. He is Jack Welch in making

Hital Meswani ( My super boss in Reliance): Respect each individual and his knowledge, it is humany impossible to know every thing about anything in business...one should be genuinely interested in understanding brass tags.God lies in details and if anyone ignore details he is surely heading for disaster

Mukesh D Ambani : Think Big, Act Fast but Plan Micro ( key to success)

Anjaney Bhutada (my friend, philosopher and guide) : Success can be achieved with Simplicity and without hidden agenda, geniuness and true spirit of helping others help us in long term

Badi Maa (My conscience keeper) : Face any adversity with grace and unflinching trust in God.

Prabhakar Bisen ( My friend and Inspirtaion) : Leave small things for others, aim for Big in Life.

Sudip Narvekar (My friend and buddy) : Corporate positions are not a pre-condition for friendship.

A big thank you to all my Guru's . I am sure these learning's (some new, some reinforcements) are going to shape my life, my future, and my next generations.

Success An Exploration...& Journey

Every time i revisit my memories, or dream about future, word "Success" comes again and again and again in most of my thoughts and sentences. All of us have different aspirations of becoming a successful something..CEO, Brand Manager, Project manager, Teacher, Son, Father, Mother, Spouse, or whatever ...I want to understand meaning of the word "Success " what it is and why it is so illusive...for most of us, always.

Success, in a worldly sense or by societal yardstick, is mostly evaluated in terms of status, recognition, fame, money, awards, rewards, and similar criteria. Success mostly connotes a comparison...comparison with people of similar background and competition generally siblings, friends, colleagues, neighbours.

If a person has done better than others in his or her field or area of work, he may be considered successful, else...like will be considered like me ( a wanderer) , my understanding says Success means different things to different people.

Success is defined in terms of being able to do what one wanted to do. In my circle of friends, for one, success meant changing people’s lives...helping others and gaining name. For another, it meant happiness...enjoyment, living life full of comforts and luxuries ...

And I perceive success in terms of achieving benchmark standards; great relations with people, doings things differently; curiosity, originality and significance; and keep setting newer & higher goals and reaching those goals...gaining fame...I give much emphasis on doing what I thought I should be doing.

Personality traits such as social skills and interpersonal ease are central determinants of success in the corporate world....at the same time i believe in Luck, good connections, timings, and burning desire is critical and important in determining success

Another crucial key to success is a sense of positive self-esteem...belief of " I can do it" “Thousands of people are exposed to golden opportunities in their life-time but the person who can capitalize on those opportunities that knock once or several times is the one who has inner sense of confidence in his competence to convert possibilities into successful products. Because of the high regard one has experienced in the past, the person with positive self-esteem has the psychological energy to pursue his goal impediments, frustrations, and other limitations

People may say that ‘success’ is subjective, but everyone is likely to define success differently. Further, personal definition of success of an individual may not necessarily match with the societal definition of success. ... terms such as money, status, awards etc. may not appear in the personal definitions of many successful people, whom i know...

It is very important to acknowledge that people do not necessarily work towards getting something that society acknowledges as success, or achieving of what they have not had in the past

Analysis of success brings me to the thought of identifying role models of the successful people, and what qualities did they admire in their role models or what qualities or values they tried to imbibe was thought worth exploring.

My personal experience is very very positive in case of experiments with Role Models.... someone we are/were influenced by, someone we admired and looked up to, someone we tried to emulate. Generally whom we interact in real life, may be our family member, teacher, friend, neighbour.....few role models are constant for me in the life, some are changing with the changed life and career stages.

Lastly.. success costs some price and that price is usually in terms of the deterioration of one’s private life, increased stress, self-doubt, loss of emotional feeling, loss of friends, decreased ability to relate to others, sense of selfishness, and moreover what is success today, would be just one more past incident of life tomorrow.

Success is a moving target, always relative to make you run behind it till eternity. Isn't Happiness is more important virtue in our life than Success...!!

Success may give us temporary Happiness, but Pursuit of Happiness can give us permanent Success..

Good Night

Forgiveness

When we are smarting from pain inflicted by someone, and trying to figure out ‘why’, the most difficult thing to do , ...is the thing they call divine "to forgive", and yet, try it out. It’s in fact the sweetest form of revenge!

To forgive someone doesn’t mean condoning their actions. It just means absolving ourself of the hurt and pain and getting back control over our own life and emotions. It means easing the burden of revenge and hatred from our shoulders and getting on with life.

We don’t forgive for another; we do it for ourself — to come to terms with your emotions and to attempt a closure on an episode that refuses to let us go . If we don’t do that, years later we would still be smarting from an action, stuck in a painful time zone, while the perpetrator of all that pain has moved on and put the incident behind him. So, rather than him, we are the one living out the consequences of his/her action!

Forgiving someone is the best way of stepping neatly out of that time zone and ensuring that they, rather than you, suffer the fall-out of the episode.

When Priyanka Vadra ( Gandhi) decided to meet Nalini, co-accused in her father, Rajiv Gandhi’s murder, she didn’t go for Nalini’s sake; she went for her own peace of mind — to attempt a closure on the grief that has haunted her for years. She went not so much to forgive, but to be released of the pain that had her in its grip. With this act she released herself of the burden of the past. If her tears also released the guilt Nalini had held onto for years, then that was incidental. Priyanka’s was indeed the gesture of a mature, evolved human being, one that instantly establishes her credentials as the scion of the Gandhi dynasty. In her own words, meeting Rajiv’s killer was her way of coming to peace with the experiences of violence and loss in her life. She declared that she wouldn’t allow anger, violence and hatred to take over her life.

For those of us standing on the wrong side of forgiveness, wrapped up in our pain and sense of personal hurt, it is difficult to understand how someone can possibly forgive another who has hurt them terribly. A colleague, now married with children, confesses that till date, after 12 years of the episode, she still hasn’t been able to forgive her lover for jilting her in her youth! She spends time thinking about revenge and wants to see herself vindicated.... What is she gaining from keeping that hurt and feelings of vengeance close to her chest? Just a lot of pain and regret that probably blights her present moments too, while the former lover leads a happy life, blissfully unaware of the negative energy she carries for him.

Chances are that were he to hear this, he would be delighted that she still carries a torch for him despite his rejection so many years ago. It would be far easier to “forgive” if we understand that the forgiveness is for us, not the perpetrator of the pain. If we understand that by forgiving, we are not condoning, just moving on. That by putting the episode behind us we are not accepting a relationship on the same terms with the one who hurt us.

My belief says Forgiving is not forgetting, and neither should it be. Because if we forget, we open ourselves again to the same kind of hurt and instead of getting a closure on the never ending cycle of pain, we have just thrown ourselves back into it. Forgiveness doesn’t necessitate reconciliation. In other words, forgive so you can move on in life, but don’t forget, so you don’t repeat the same mistakes again.

As with any other episode, carry the lessons learnt rather than the pain from an incident. It is far easier to forgive someone when you believe that we are all responsible for our actions and pay for the same. We can let go of feelings of vengeance when we understand that God has His own way of balancing out everything.

The Law of Karma dictates that we benefit with our good actions and suffer for our bad acts... By the act of forgiving, we wash ourselves with a positive flow of energy that can be beneficial to our mental and physical health and lessening stress levels.

What sweeter revenge than forgiveness?

( These are applicable for my scorpion friends also)